We are usually in relationship with our anger in three different ways, generally speaking:
2.     LIVING in anger
3.     Experiencing the CAUSAL or CORE reason for anger.

Most of us have had a really great education in how to suppress our rage. Our society does not condone angry expression if it is fuelled with the power of rage and delivered unconsciously. Schools, workplaces, governments and community groups STILL do not know how to manage anger in a healthy and accepting way.

The TRUE wound of suppression came through our parents as children in their attempt to CONTROL in us the expression of the emotion that they could not bear to take ownership for in their own souls.

You see, the innocence and GIFT of a child is their NATURAL expression of what is unfelt in the parent. This expression is an act of love. So, how deeply confusing it is to have those emotions shut down, made wrong and shamed.

Then, there are those of us who have become very good at REACTING to anger. While it’s slightly less shadowy than suppression, having a powerful unconscious emotional trigger such as rage is still not where we want to be if we are wanting a deeper, more aligned union with others and, ultimately, ourselves. It’s a barking dog on a chain made to feel powerful by the strength of his bark but nevertheless he is still on the chain, still suppressed.

The third option, and a more healthy way to be in relationship with our anger, is to allow ourselves to experience our CAUSAL RAGE or the CORE EMOTION of rage in a conscious way. An expression that does not cause harm to other people and liberates the soul rather than tormenting it with groundhog day-like, sometimes uncontrollable, repetitive experiences. Looping rage is a very clear sign that we are still in the matrix of life, acting out systemic patterns inherited from our family line.

How can we develop a HEALTHY connection to anger? By using anger as a torch. Let anger GUIDE you to the deeper part of yourself that has not been felt. Identify where you are in the anger spectrum: avoidant, reactive or causal. Sometimes you can be all three at different times! And if you are not in the causal, pray and intend to be there as quickly as your soul will allow you travel.

A really cool clue about suppressed rage is the act of judgement. If you judge others, you are certainly judging yourself (but probably unconsciously). If you judge yourself, you will certainly be sensitive to the judgement coming FROM OTHERS. You will be unable to tolerate it. In fact, it will trigger your anger. Supressed anger and judgement are bed buddies, attracted to one another and both longing for liberation and joy. Alas, they bring out the worst in us.

A simple prayer: Dear God, please help me to generate the FEELING inside my soul of WHY I am fearful of judgement and WHY I judge others. Help me feel whatever it is that is driving these unloving actions. Help me to ALLOW these emotions to be felt completely. Let my defence mechanisms melt away. I’m ready for growth and change. Amen/thank you.

The unconscious act of suppression is normally connected to the emotion of REJECTION. And my feeling is that it relates to mother more strongly than father. What mother rejects in herself and refuses to feel travels to her baby through the majick cord. When the child tries to express, it activates that same trauma in the mother and she will unwittingly SHUT DOWN that part of the child’s soul in order to protect herself from HER OWN emotions. If we persist in our EXPRESSION of the anger, we risk further REJECTION of mother’s love. We learn to contain, avoid and manage this emotional trap, becoming very important adults with unconscious anger issues.

I use the term “gapped rage”. This rejection issue is often played out through intimate/romantic relationships over and over again. We will be drawn to people who have the same lack of tolerance for our needs as our mother did and enter into the relational struggle and drama of being validated and accepted (not rejected) by mother. This is a basic emotional transference of unmet childhood needs that occurs in both men and women.

Protection bands

Connecting with the causal wound, while simple in theory, can be one of the daunting roads less travelled in the soul’s journey home, simply because it has not been travelled before. The “element of the unknown” is confronting and frightening to the ego structures we are so familiar with.

As progression is made toward the inner truth of our pain body, we also meet with resistance in the form of “protection bands” that have been developed over a long time. In many ways, these emotional bands or armours have kept us safe and functional. However, they are also emotional walls that keep others OUT. Little do we realise that these structures also keep OURSELVES out.

There are many protection bands keeping us (apparently) safe including our egoic personality, denials and therefore addictions, depressions and fears. Suppressed and reactive anger are also other forms of protection bands. “Justifiable” anger is also a protection band. There is no anger that is justified if it is keeping you from feeling the causal emotion beneath. What lies beneath justification is usually GRIEF.

The law of attraction

In truth, it is only love that we need and want. Yet what screams the loudest in a crowded room are our protection bands. For example, if you are a man with a causal wound of being suppressed, rejected or judged by mother the causal wound will be “I’m not loveable”. This causal wound will draw to your field SO MANY women who do not have the capacity to love you, in truth. Yet, you will continually be attracted to these personality types. This is the chemistry that fuels the fire and therefore uncontrollable behaviour of men who can suddenly fall into the anger gap in relationship to a woman who has not yet cultivated her own self-loving boundary. Physical and verbal abuse is a dynamic vortex of two souls that pull too strongly on each other’s woundedness. These relationships should be exited immediately and more self-love cultivated.

How do I connect with my gapped anger?

It’s actually very simple:

1. Intention

2. Attention

3. Practice.

Set the intent to do your anger work. See a therapist. Talk to your friends about anger. Open it up and put it on the table, especially if you are suppressing. PRAYER is also very powerful but pray earnestly. Dear God, Please help me ACCESS that which I have been afraid to feel. Please help me feel the fear that is blocking me from my anger. Please help me release all that is suppressed. Amen/thank you.

I bought a punching bag and a pair of gloves. Every other day for six months, I’d have a physical conversation with it. Little things that annoyed me during the day went on a yellow sticky note and eventually to the bag. Over time, my empowerment grew and my relationship to my own anger became healthy for I was no longer afraid of it. It’s also really important to use your voice when you are consciously processing anger. SPEAK your frustrations, growl them, scream them, snarl them.

By giving consciousness to the energy, bridges are being made in your neural network. It may or may not be revealed what the original cause of your anger is about. However, once you are in a healthy relationship with your anger, the cage door will open, you will speak your truth and the intensity of your relationships will soften to a more manageable place for you will no longer feel disempowered.

Liberation is only a punching bag away! Please don’t hurt your body.