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Fear, Doubt and Inner Knowing

Fear, doubt and inner knowing
Every moment of every night and day, communication is taking place between our souls and that of the angelic, devic and celestial realms. These spirits are so close! We ALSO have both a GUARDIAN and a GUIDE whose specific focus of attention is on our SOUL’s progression.

I have always sensed my own guide. He is a dark-skinned tribal man with a massive heart, strong in his masculinity. My guardian, however, is a wise woman. Like the wrathful deity, Kali, she is strong and takes no prisoners. I was aware of my guide long before I learned of my guardian.

In order to get confirmation of these beings in my field, I sat with various intuitives and spiritual listeners and asked them to tune in. I had a ‘perception’, if you like, of who they were and the readings helped to clarify and cement what I was already feeling. But what happens when we DOUBT our support by these non-earthly realms? When we DO NOT TRUST that there is a spiritual or sacred plan for us? What happens when we truly believe that we are ALONE in this mystery called life?

The energy of doubt has a very SPECIFIC FREQUENCY that creates an electromagnetic charge through our bodies. This charge leaves a holographic residue in our auric field which then crystallises into our bodies as toxins and inflammation. In turn, this inflammation then BLOCKS access to our communications beyond the veil, and like magic we have now PROVEN that, yes, we are alone, there is no such thing as heaven or hell, AND we had better protect ourselves at all costs!

The TRUTH is the polar opposite to our common human experience because your true self is ALWAYS in direct contact with celestial consciousness. There is NO separation between this planetary realm and the celestial spheres. It’s just that we humans are not so ATTUNED.

How do I tune in?
In order for you to cultivate TRUST in your ability to RECEIVE clear inner GUIDANCE you must first:

  1. Identify that you are existing inside a state of distrust and doubt.
  2. Develop a practice to clear and maintain an open state so that divine communication can be maintained.

The body, I’ve come to realise, is actually just a big old portal to the other side, a temple if you like. The saying, “The body is the temple to the soul” rings true and has been referenced somewhere in many religious texts throughout the ages.

How do I clear myself?
Your clearing practices will be specific and unique to you and your soul. For me, I can get back to centre pretty quickly by being still and drinking three litres of water with Himalayan salt and the juice of a few lemons in it. I don’t know why. Someone once told me that salt is an electromagnetic conductor. Lemons seem to neutralise my acidity. Perhaps my readers can enlighten me here.

I also FLOURISH on deep greens direct from the garden. A handful of kale, mint, parsley or spinach in a blender with some lemon, water, salt and a few blueberries leaves me feeling activated and in tune. My liver LOVES these greens! But only the ones straight from the garden. There’s not a lot of love in the food from the supermarket.

But, for you, it could be an immersion in nature. I have a friend who goes walkabout in the bush for days with a little food and a tent. I have another friend who does yoga and movement, using sounding and mantras to complete her morning embodiment and clearing ritual. Prayer or meditation could also be doorways in. Find out what works for your own soul and CLAIM IT!

CONNECTION to existence is our BIRTHRIGHT and UNION with cosmic consciousness already exists, so we need only ALIGN our WILL with the truth of that which is already occurring. So be it! For once you claim your right to union with spirit, you will THEN begin to sense and feel evidence of this relationship.

Now I have proof!
For many years I have experienced my connection with the divine as a subtle energy directed through my autonomic nervous system. I would experience this as little tingles that felt like butterflies and, in the beginning, I felt this only down the left side of my body. During my healing workshops, whenever I get close to a blockage or the source of a wound, I will start belching uncontrollably as a way of shifting the energy inside the space and, hence, inside my body. It’s so weird, and so antisocial. But it just happens and I can’t stop it anyway so I now just trust in the expression.

Sometimes during meditation, chanting or a hands-on healing session, my body will jump like I have experienced a shock of some sort. This shock-like jerking appeared the very first time I started to meditate and happens to this day. I have an idea that I’m clearing some kind of collective shock (or even my own personal shock) but these are only thoughts. What is definitely true is that there is some CONNECTION with SPIRIT occurring, and a communication, clearing and healing taking place. So I have learned to NOTICE and SURRENDER.

Find your station and tune into it. You may HEAR tones or voices, or you may SEE colours, patterns or images. You may SENSE your way through or receive insights. You may just have a very deep KNOWING in your soul that something is RIGHT or that something is WRONG. When you ATTUNE yourself to the vibration of love, your CLEAR INTENT will attract the consciousness you seek.

So, TRUST in your mystical intelligence and in your own knowing. There IS nobody else that knows more than you of your experience of yourself. So make friends with your body portal and spend some time there.

   

 

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Mother: our primary attachment

Mother: our primary attachment
Our first human experience is with our mother. Whether we are male or female, our primary attachment to this plane of existence is a biological one, direct from your umbilical cord to mother’s womb. There is just no getting around that fact. Her GIFT to us is the gift of LIFE. Without her, there would have been no you. She gave birth to you and this order can never be changed. She is the BIG one and you are the LITTLE one.

After we were born, our mother’s role became a routine of full-time nurturing: making sure we had enough food to sustain growth, providing warmth and hygiene for our tiny little bodies, and giving emotional nourishment through connection and holding. The process continued until we became self-sufficient and independent adults.

Belonging to any social group ensures our survival. The instinct to BELONG is deeply ingrained through culture way back to primitive, nomadic times. A child wants nothing more than to belong to mother because she was our FIRST connection. Mothers come first; fathers second. This BELONGING will also ensure that our very deep and instinctual NEED for SAFETY and SURVIVAL is being met. We know our position in the family, tribe and community with our FIRST place alongside mother.

As children, we can NEVER truly repay what has been offered to us. And it may feel, especially for young or struggling mothers, that the parent/child relationship is at times out of balance when it comes to giving and receiving, and from a Family Constellation perspective, IT IS! Parents give and children receive. And this is the DIVINE ORDER of mother/child relationships.

The order of love
God gives to man;
Father receives from God/gives to mother;
Mother receives from father/gives to children;
Children receive from mother/give to pets;
Eventually children become adults and the process starts again.

The unconscious urge for balance
Because of the profundity of what our mothers did for us, all children carry a deep and loyal commitment to GIVE BACK to our mothers at all costs. But what can possibly be given back that would allow a balance for the gift of life? RECEIVING the gift of life creates an URGE to give back something of equal value. However, no child can EVER do this because our mothers are our mothers and we are their children. This is the DIVINE ORDER of love.

So, very innocently, as children we attempt to carry the burden of our mother’s suffering in our unconscious need for balance. But the problem with this is that we have now placed OURSELVES in the parental role instead of taking our rightful place as children. Parents NEED to give and children NEED to receive. Placing ourselves in the giving role with our mothers turns the whole relationship upside down and love cannot flow through this system.

Another attempt at balancing the mother/child dynamic is to become angry at our mothers. Because we can NEVER repay what has been given, feelings of GUILT and therefore entrapment can be experienced. So, anger is a way where we can unconsciously deal with these difficult and sometimes confusing emotions. It is an attempt deny the bond of love we NATURALLY have with our mothers in order to assert our independence in the world.

CORDAL: An energetic streamer attachment that is DENIED. Just as love is binding, so is ANGER.

What is/was your bonding pattern with your mother?

1. Being angry as an assertion of independence and freedom.
OR
2. Trying to DO everything for them. To save or rescue while attempting to take emotional responsibility.

Perhaps it was a mixture of both at different times. In BOTH ways the child remains bonded without being able to truly cut the cords of entanglement.

What to do?
I know of no other KEY to freedom greater than the mystery of GIVING THANKS. In tribal communities, ceremonies were held in order to honour the child/adult transition. Mothers were honoured with reverence for their role as nurturers and protectors. They also knew it was their duty to feel the loss and pain in their own heart when, in this case, the boys became INITIATED into manhood and left the mother’s nurturing care to go and hunt, explore, dance and play with the men.

In order to DISENTANGLE and therefore SEPARATE from anyone, thing, situation or event we need to give thanks and honour the attachment. For in the acknowledgement comes acceptance and in the acceptance of WHAT IS, the soul BREATHES OUT and attachment dissolves.

Once we have acknowledged our mother’s profoundly loving role in our lives, the GIFT can be identified. And in our mother’s case this will always be the GIFT OF LIFE. A deep process of GRATITUDE and APPRECIATION will restore balance and order to this most sacred relationship. Kneel to her! Yes, seriously. Because if you can value what was given, the value of life from each moment forward will be ILLUMINATED.

In bowing to the reverence of the love that was offered to us by our mothers we can disentangle from anything that was toxic or unloving. We can let go. And future adult relationships will finally have the freedom to flow because both the WOUND and the LOVE of the mother will be where it needs to be, and that is with HER.

Where are you in relation to your biological mother? What do you feel? Are there still resentments, grievances, or judgements being held? Be honest.

QUOTES
Understanding the uselessness of trying to take on another person’s suffering is a major step from blind love to a more conscious form of love.
Svagito Liebermeister

Dear Mother, You gave me life and I thank you. I thank you for all you did for me. I acknowledge what pain you had in your life and I leave that with you now.

A note about gender of “mother”: research shows that whatever gender our parents have, the primary parent functions as the “mother” (this person could be a man) and fosters our relationship with ourselves. The secondary parent functions as the “father” (this person could be a woman) and fosters our expectations of relationships with the world.
From Your Resonant Self Sarah Peyton

Every child has the magical idea that he can relieve his parents of suffering thinking that if he suffers, his parents will suffer less. But the outcome is always the same. Rather than reducing the pain to half, the pain is doubled.
Svagito Liebermeister

The underlying need to balance acts done within a family system is a principle of collective consciousness, otherwise known as the LAW of BALANCE.

People who remain angry with their parents and want something different from them live in a state of hope rather than acceptance, with an undercurrent of neediness and expectation.
Svagito Liebermeister

From the perspective of the sacred order, there is only one way to be at peace with myself. To sincerely honour the parents that I have.
Svagito Liebermeister

Researcher Moshe Szyf says that our mother is in every cell of our pre-frontal cortex. This means that people who have grown up with a traumatised mother have the responsibility of transforming their internalised original mother into one who is warm, understanding and resonant in order to support long-term health and wellbeing.
Sarah Peyton: Your Resonant Self

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Bees

BEES 
For centuries the bee has symbolised CO-OPERATION, UNITY and HARD WORK. As a totem animal bee magic is one of productivity for she is constantly CREATING, transmuting pollen into honey. She remains Nature’s most efficient alchemist!

As the tradition goes, our Greek father of ancient medicine, Hippocrates, applied honey to the open wounds of his patients for he and fellow Grecians alike saw pollen and honey as LIFE-GIVING MEDICINE. The hive is the oldest and healthiest natural pharmacy. Fast forward to 2020, and you can study to be an “apitherapist”, which is a medical practitioner who uses the by-products of bees for physical healing. Results are said to be slower but longer lasting and more profound.

In ancient times the Druids celebrated the bee for it symbolised the sun, the goddess and community. Mead was made from fermented honey and used in agricultural rituals of fertility. EVERY full moon the bee was HONOURED as an integral part of the cycles of abundance and nourishment. Gratitude to the bee!

I was surprised to learn that bees are mostly a female society with the one queen as the centrepiece and her daughters (the worker bees) running the hive. The foraging bees, also female, visit over 3000 flowers a day! The males (drones) represent only 1 per cent of the hive and their only role is to mate with the queen.

What is the message are these honey-producing goddesses are trying to tell us? In our living food cycle, there are only two ways to pollinate our fruits and vegetable plants: bees or the wind. WITHOUT bees (and little wind) no fruits or vegetables would grow.

In 2007, the world faced a big scare when hundreds of thousands of bees mysteriously went missing, literally overnight. They simply did not return to their hives. No bodies were found; no bees were found. They just DISAPPEARED. The condition was later termed “Colony Collapse disorder” and the mystery has still not been fully explained. A local beekeeper from Pennsylvania lost 2200 of 3000 hives overnight. Then reports came in from ALL OVER THE WORLD of a similar unexplained disappearance of the honey bee. Since 2013, bee populations in some parts of the world have fallen by a third. In Australia, researchers and authorities say local bee populations remain resilient, but in Europe, Asia, America, North America and even New Zealand, it is a different story.

Where have the bees gone and why?
The initial concern amongst the community was whether there would be enough bees for pollination, which is a concern, but an even greater concern is that bees are an indicator of environmental quality. If the bees are dying, SOMETHING is essentially wrong with our food chain. THAT affects the health and wellbeing of ALL BEINGS, including the bees.

I constantly speak to the BALANCE of the masculine and FEMININE on the planet and as I learn more about the lifecycle of the honey bee, I understand that due to man’s INTERFERENCE through commercial beekeeping practices she has indeed become OUT OF BALANCE.

Commercial malpractice?
A queen bee lives for up to five years whereas worker bees and drones only live from a few weeks to a few months. She is the MOTHER of every other bee in the hive. After around eight weeks, commercial beekeepers remove the queen and break off her head. They then replace her with a younger queen, inside a box, until the other bees get used to her scent. I’m not a bee therapist but I can intuitively imagine that this would immediately cause ripples of stress and confusion, even trauma, among the hive. Yet what choice do they have but to carry on? Another commercial practice is that before the queen is sold to a beekeeper, she is put to sleep with carbon monoxide, and artificially inseminated. So, she did not choose her mate via natural selection like she would have done in nature.

Bees eat and nourish THEMSELVES with honey. Yet in commercial farming, 100 per cent of the honey will be taken from the hive and a mixture of sugar and water fed to the bees during the winter months when there is little to forage. All of the medicines and immunity giving properties come from the bees’ natural food, yet this is taken. So what now defends the honey bee against viruses and disease? It’s like taking away breast milk from an infant and replacing it with fizzy lemonade!

System control/systemic toxification
Some mention that climate change has had an adverse effect, but what needs to be looked at more closely is the use of SYSTEMIC pesticides in crop production. Systemic pesticides are chemicals that are ABSORBED by a plant when applied to seeds, soil or leaves. The chemicals then circulate through the plant’s tissues, killing the insects that feed on them. What we now have is TOXIC pollen which causes confusion, disorientation and probable disappearance of the honey bee. Bee farmers are devastated. Clearly, the bees are not happy!

We need to open our consciousness AGAIN to the fact that there are masculine aspects of divinity and feminine aspects and the two must work in balance in order for humanity to progress. (or even to survive). While commercial farming and scientific agricultural progression has supported our livelihood over the last 200 years, how much is the integrity of our food chain being compromised? What is the cost to our basic human need for healthy nourishment. Are we choosing technological advancements over what is loving and sustainable?

What can we do?
Plant flowering plants and avoid pesticides.

The best thing you can do to support bees are to plant flowering plants in your gardens. Suburbs are a great place for bees, and that’s where your own decisions in your backyard are important. If gardens are pesticide-free, then our urban bees will be safe and honey will have fewer pesticides in it, and the bees will benefit.

Bees LOVE flowers! Blues, yellows and oranges are the favourite colours of bees, so plant up.

You COULD also become a sacred beekeeper. Keeping bees is a practice in the art of holistic living and an honouring of the lifecycles that provide us with abundance of food and nourishment.

To this day, Romania, under communist rule experiences poverty. However, poverty means that pesticides are rarely used and the country has NEVER shifted to large-scale monoculture forms of agriculture. The result is that Romania remains RICH with DIVERSE organic flora, providing perfect homes for the bee. According to the last agricultural census in 2010, Romania counted 42,000 beekeepers and more than 1.3 million colonies of bees.

Grass roots backyard movements are emerging in every city and on some rooftops. Community gardens are also a good way to participate in a positive movement toward balance. Join one! It’s not too late for our bees, and perhaps it’s not too late for us either. However, the time for a commitment to a change in a more natural lifestyle is now.

Quotes

The bee is more honoured than other animals, not because she labours, but because she labours for others. 
Saint John Chrysostom

The closer we examine the honey bee, the more we realise that the workings of the beehive encompasses territories beyond our comprehension.
Leo Tolstoy 

Like the honey bee, the sage should gather wisdom from many scriptures.
From the Bhagavad Gita

Further research
#savethebees – Facebook group.
www.vanishingbees.com – movie about Colony Collapse Disorder and how you can help the bees.

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Unfinished Business

Unfinished business
Emotional attachment is perhaps one of the most mysterious and confusing phenomenon of the human experience. What is happening when we feel attached or connected to someone? Do we have control over the cords that bind? Let’s explore.
In 2019 I attracted a new friend into my life, a playmate of sorts. We spent a lot of time together as the energy between us seemed to have a divine and natural flow. One of the gifts I received from my friend was that his light and strongly developed sense of self-care and self-love reflected back to me the places where my own sense of self-love was still lacking. Through our relating he revealed to me that I was still carrying a lot of unnecessary judgements about myself, issues of shame and self-worth that were still not addressed.
I decided to meet these triggers and process them in a private and sacred way, while attempting to maintain the friendship at the same time.
Over the course of two to three months, I was able to personally navigate these limiting perceptions about myself. I used the work of Byron Katie to manage my thoughts, sat in front of mirrors for hours on end in acceptance of my being, just noticing the judgements that arose and gently letting them go. I danced and shook my body around. I went to Bali and deeply connected with the sensual realms of massage, high-vibration food, yoga and Balinese aromas. I found and reclaimed the self-confidence and strength I had been lacking and returned from Bali ready to begin a new life.
A really interesting thing happened. The connection and playful flow I had previously experienced with my friend was just not there. I could no longer feel the common ground between us. Our energies simply did not “mix” any longer.
The more I tried to re-establish our connection, the more pressure I put on the situation until, finally, he made the call to exit our relating completely. A few months went by and even though I had risen to a new level of self-love inside myself, I felt very sad and defeated about losing my friend. I had trouble getting the “story” out of my thoughts and desperately wanted to “figure it out”. Finally, I sought guidance.
Through various spiritual listeners and those who understand energetic attachments on a soul level, it was reflected back to me that there was an etheric black cord between my friend and I and the karmic theme that bound us was that of betrayal. It ran from my solar plexus to his. There were no real stories or events that happened between us personally. It was more my personal history with the soul of the wound of betrayal mirroring his own. We were reflecting this energy back to each other and reacting to the vibration. We were each other’s law of attraction, perhaps magnetised to each other for the soul purpose of exposing this long-standing wound, in order for it to heal. Black represents toxins and emotional trauma either from past lifetimes (if you believe in that) or trauma from this current life.
The “stories” are not necessary when understanding the themes of the attachment. My strategy, if you like, was to try and open it up, have a conversation, explore it and understand for the purposes of healing while his was to step away from it (me) and to re-establish connections and support elsewhere. And so, began the work.
How could I heal and clear a negative cordal attachment with a soul when we have opposing methods in dealing with the problem, thereby re-triggering the dynamic AND the wound? Aargh! I thought I’d never be free of this situation. However, as it turns out there was a solution. I was guided to fill up the cord not with stress and worry but with love.
Every day, for a month I would sit in meditation and pulse golden creative light into the cord. I would send my GRATITUDE down the cord and make a list of all the gifts I received from the connection. I drew the cord, proportional to the thickness and colour it was, and then re-drew it weeks later to notice it had shrunk and changed in colour. At some point in this process, as I became clearer, I asked my friend to do the same, to just send love and gratitude down the cord and give thanks for the blessings we brought to each other.
I learned a really valuable lesson here. How often do we have unfinished business with another soul that feels way too difficult and overwhelming to resolve? How much of our energy is lost to this toxic connection through worry, anxiety, avoidance or imaginary monkey-mind conversations? How much does that limit our expression and emotional availability to others in real time and space?
This need not be with an intimate partner. Negative and toxic bonding patterns can and do happen every day between friends, siblings and, often, our colleagues in the workplace. I knew that if I did not “finish this business” and clear this energetic cord from my system, I would never understand it for what it was and it would somehow limit me and my connection with others in the future.
My empowerment came from love and loving the person at the end of cord, even though the situation was causing me pain. If I recycled MY PAIN into the cord, the cord and therefore the soul attachment would thicken. If I sent GRATITUDE AND LOVE down the cord, the cord would become smaller and the emotional weight of it become lighter. As it did, I became lighter.
We both wanted freedom from the negative parts of our connection and even though our strategies were opposing (I move towards while others might move away) freedom was found and the attachment broken.
If we apply the understanding of SEPARATING WITH LOVE to all intimate relationships ALWAYS then energetic soul closure can take place and karma be finished.

Quotes
Never get to attached to something that isn’t yours. 

You can only lose what you cling to. 
Buddha

Anything you can’t control is teaching you to let go.

Love is the only freedom from attachment. When you love everything you are attached to nothing.
Mikha’il Na’ima

The problem in love is not betrayal, the real problem is too much attachment.

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Grounding

Grounding
There is a common spiritual aphorism floating around that states “We are spiritual beings having a human experience”. I like this saying a lot. But let’s not overlook the other truth which is that we are also human beings who have spiritual experiences.
The truth is, we have two bodies. A physical one and a spiritual one.
The concept of grounding has been in play since the early 80s. Psychologists, school teachers and parents all use the terms “stay grounded” or “you need to get grounded”.
But what do they even mean?
The year 2019 was my time to GROUND and now that I’ve reached the other side, I have come to understand that for me the journey of grounding was to do with the process of allowing my spiritual body to integrate with my physical body and for them cultivate a healthy and interactive relationship with each other.
How did this happen? Well, there’s nothing like a law of attraction event to polarise myself out of my body and head for the celestial realms! Systemic trauma – difficult dynamics in my family system – had left me with little choice but to dissociate out of my body onto a plane where I felt safe. At the time, there was no-one around to help me navigate my way back into my body so I decided to follow the process and trust that my intuition would lead me home if I made a commitment to allow it.
Each day, I would wake up with the immediate thought of “I don’t want to be here”. I’ve always found it easier to navigate my dream space than my body – especially when my spirit was in trauma. However, given that I was “here”, I would get up and dressed, pack my bag for the day and go to the park to sit by the river. Here I would open my blanket, take off my shoes and jumper and lie in the sun. That’s it! I’d be there for hours, usually from 10am till 3pm, or whenever the sun started to ease and the cool winter afternoon blew in. I would sometimes lie down in the starfish pose, rub my bare feet onto the earth, or sit under a palm tree with my back supported. Sometimes I’d do some yoga like a child pose or a few lizard stands but nothing too serious. Then, I’d let my body move as it would. Sometimes it would shake like a dog, sometimes it would want an intense neck stretch and other times it just wanted to sleep. I guess the important thing to mention here is that I allowed her (my body) to do her own thing, rather than imposing my will or my idea about what I SHOULD be doing. Then, I’d stare at the sun. I’d eyeball it. No glasses – just a raw lens. I could do this for perhaps five to six minutes at a time before I needed a break.
I listened to my favourite teacher, Dr Jack Kruse, on grounding and metabolic reset. Check him out if you’re interested in how to survive the electromagnetic war we are about to have.
Lovely John from the cafe across the road would bring me my dandelion tea (as I decided to take a break from caffeine during this grounding phase) and also my lunch so this enabled me to have a solid five to six hours a day barefoot and with my body on the Earth.
After two to three weeks of this process, my two bodies found each other and the fear in my physical system subsided. Interestingly, when I landed, I felt totally capable of actually navigating the family drama. However, I should mention that it was IMPORTANT to take the healing time needed until I could find my balance, otherwise I would have re-traumatised myself.

In summary
We have two bodies: it’s good to remember that. Once these two bodies are aligned we are then able to align to the frequency of the planet.
This is not a hippie concept. It’s as simple as sitting barefoot on the earth and feeling her. Some say that the frequency of Planet Earth IS THE FREQUENCY OF THE PHYSICAL BODY, hence we are not separate. And the frequency of the spiritual body is the frequency of the next dimension. This is how we astral travel.
Our spirit bodies make us SPIRITUAL BEINGS.
Our physical bodies make us HUMAN beings.
The EARTH CAN HEAL US.
Electromagnetic frequencies can be balanced and neutralised through grounding. Trauma can be absorbed into the earth if we place our body on it. Wear no shoes and lie on the grass in times of emotional upheaval; stare at the sun; go to sleep; come home.

Resources
Epi-paleo Rx: The Prescription for Disease Reversal and Optimal Health
by Dr Jack Kruse
Buy some earthing shoes: they’re everywhere! Just google your nearest supplier.

Quotes
Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action. Action is always a better choice than inaction. The best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing; the worst thing you can do is nothing.
Dr Jack Kruse

Humans are the only species bright enough to make artificial light and stupid enough to live under it.
Dr Jack Kruse 

When a flower doesn’t bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.

All of my cells already know what to do in order to heal, each and every cell. I just need to get out of the way and allow the process to happen, allow the connection. 

And forget not that the Earth delights to feel your bare feet
and the wind longs to play with your hair.
Kahlil Gibran

Lay on the Earth,
let her wrap you up.
Go back and take care of yourself,
your body needs you,
your feelings need you,
your perceptions need you,
your suffering needs you to acknowledge it.
Go home and be there for all these things.
Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Note to empaths
Please take off your shoes and stand on the bare earth for 10 minutes: do this every day to discharge the negative electrons back into the Earth.

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Fat or Food?

FAT OR FOOD?
In 1961, the American Heart Association issued a statement recommending reducing our intake of total fat, saturated fat and cholesterol. In the same statement, they also suggested that humans increase their intake of polyunsaturated fats. So, essentially, STOP eating animal fats and START eating vegetable oils. Some bright spark decided that the naturally occurring fats in our milk, cheese, yoghurts and oils were in fact a health risk. So along came the “lite” version of everything tasty.
Fat is flavour, so these foods needed to be made tasty again. Along came added sugar, salt and artificial flavourings. Natural fat is also an excellent form of energy, so by limiting natural fat as a fuel source, human beings began to eat more carbohydrates in order to supplement their energy needs. Fat in a solid form is also a natural preservative. When this is removed, preservatives are needed to prolong supermarket shelf life.
While our parents or their parents probably ate yoghurt or cream made directly from the milk of a cow, children of the baby boomers were given a sweet, colourised, preserved version of the same.
Yet it is hardly food at all.
EVERYTHING ON A SUPERMARKET SHELF NEEDS A SOLID FAT to preserve its contents. Trans-fatty acids (TFAs) are hardened vegetable oils usually comprising safflower, corn or soybean oil. But in order to release the oil from the seed or bean, they need to be heated to extreme temperatures thereby “denaturing” the food. A hydrogen molecule is then added to the liquid in order to harden the fat. Because of the industrial process needed to create TFAs, essentially these products do not NATURALLY occur in our food chain. They are otherwise known as “partially hydrogenated oils”. Look for them on the ingredient list next time you’re food shopping in a supermarket. In 2013, the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) made a preliminary determination that partially hydrogenated oils are no longer recognised as safe in human food. Yet, they are still being used.

What’s going on?
A human cell is made up of 50% fat and 50% protein. The beginning of ALL DISEASE starts when cells are not met with energy in the likeness of itself. In other words, if you do not give your body naturally occurring healthy fats and protein, it will die … slowly.

So, what are healthy fats?
Oils from nuts are good, including coconut, walnut and macadamia oils.
COLD-PRESSED oils are best, a process in which the nuts are ground to a paste and forced through a hydraulic press, producing the highest quality oil.
Nuts are good eating, too, but peanuts are not a nut (they belong to the legume family with beans and peas) even though they’re delicious!
Both coconut cream and coconut milk contain GOOD fats.
Avocados are an EXCELLENT fat source!
LARD from organic, grass-fed animals is good, including duck fat and beef dripping. You cannot deny the flavour of grandmother’s roast potatoes and gravy made from homemade lard and meat juices!
Then there are the dairy foods. From the liver’s perspective dairy CAN be a burden for some, but for those who can tolerate them, fresh cream, cheese, unflavoured yoghurt and butter are great sources of fats. Just don’t eat your cheese with crackers but go for a carrot or celery stick instead or pop it in your mouth all by itself. I find I eat way LESS cheese when I don’t combine it with crackers.
There are also the fatty fishes such as salmon, mackerel and sardines. Bacon is fatty and I like the pasture-raised nitrite-free version.

Make it real
When I consider my health from a biological perspective, it makes total sense to me now that the food we are being sold on supermarket shelves is actually not food at all. Soon will come the day when it will be illegal to sell genetically modified or industrialised denatured food, but until then, we need to smarten up, grow our own and consume foods that are as natural and unadulterated as possible. The consequence of eating real food is that you will naturally eat less and that’s got to be a good thing for everyone.

Resources
The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf (a good read of science, nutrition, exercise and lifestyle)
The Magic Pill (a controversial Netflix video)
www.kosherketogenic.com (about a woman who cured cancer by eating good fats)
www.dietdoctor.com (recipes and how to eat well)
shop.sixpackabs.com‎ (if you want to be healthy AND BUFF!) also on YouTube. good science!

Quotes
Every time I feel the urge to exercise, I sit down until it goes away. 
Mark Twain

One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever we are doing and devote our attention to eating.
Luciano Pavarotti

Food for us comes from our relatives, whether they have wings or fins or roots. That is how we consider food. Food has a culture. It has a history. It has a story. It has relationships.
Winona LaDuke

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.
Hippocrates

Food is your body’s fuel. Without fuel your body wants to shut down.
Ken Hills

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The Family Stone

THE FAMILY STONE

The soul is always enlightened and complete. It is the human experience that has forgotten this and in this experience we are in the process of remembering the truth of who we are at a SOUL LEVEL.
All humans (unless enlightened to a pure soul reality) carry a separation trauma of some sort. It lives in the lineage of our parents and grandparents. Its roots are found in the untold stories that hold the secrets, betrayals, heartbreaks and abuse of those who have walked before us.
When an emotional issue has not been processed and released, the echoes of the trauma can carry through into subsequent generations through the soul’s law of attraction. It is believed that generational trauma is also held in our DNA threads that are passed through at a cellular level and through multiple generations. There IS science to support this theory and you will find a lot of reference to the term “epigenetics” in Mark Wolynn’s book It Didn’t Start With You. Generational and cultural patterns continue to emerge as the familial program repeats itself.
As children, we come into a family in order to assist in the healing and restoration of that lineage back to the frequency of love. However, in our innocence and loyalty to the family system rather than assist in the healing of the trauma, we can often assume RESPONSIBILITY for these wounds by placing ourselves in the parental position in the family structure. This is what natural love does.
This is what I had done.
When I was 16, I lost an innocent love in a sudden and violent car accident. Little did I know that when my mother was 16, she also lost a loved one (her beautiful brother) to a violent car accident but it was not until my trauma surfaced that my mother able to process her own. She had locked it down inside herself for almost 25 years. Somehow, my situation gave her permission to grieve for her own loss.
However, on the day of the accident, she was not available to me as a strong emotional support system because she had been triggered into her own shock. We were two 16-year-old girls together in effect. And in some weird karmic and cosmic agreement, I held the space for the both of us.
The devastating effects of the child’s unconscious decision to assume emotional responsibility for our parents is that the flow of love (whatever love there is) FROM the elders in the family is not received. It is not received because we are out of familial order. The entire lineage of grandparents, great-grandparents, great and wise ancestors, masculine and feminine, cannot reach us for we have taken ourselves, on a soul level, out of the family ORDER by assuming responsibility, out of loyalty, to the family structure and to assist with its survival.
If we remain out of “order” when the child becomes an adult, the possibility of having a loving partnership and continuing our genetic line in a FUNCTIONAL way is greatly compromised because the unconscious resentments, fears and annoyances we have with our parents is automatically and unconsciously played out into current time and space in the field of the new relationship. It happens quite beyond our control!
What also gets played out is our inability to receive love from another human being. Because we are SO accustomed to being in a caring role, giving comes easily. If our parents were neglectful in some way, if the frequency of love did not flow or was blocked, our receptivity antenna will NOT be tuned in.
We will be familiar with compromise, accustomed to caring and no stranger to struggle. The opposite is also true in that where our parents maintained their loving parental roles and gave love, guidance and care adequately without expectation – and where traumatic entanglements were not at play – we become accustomed to the flow of love and will attract that from our intimate relationships as adults.
There are NOW ways that we can move beyond time and space to RESTORE family systems back to correct family ORDER. Pioneered by Bert Hellinger, Family Constellations is a “phenomenological” process in which representatives of your family are chosen to stand in relation to one another, creating a “field of awareness” that seems to magically come alive when the family members are “placed” in position to one another. This is DEEP SOUL work that can heal the trauma of separation on a cellular level.
The process of giving back emotional burdens and responsibilities from childhood that have never TRULY belonged to us can dramatically change how we experience and receive love as adults. Handing back the family stones to where they belong is perhaps the most powerful thing you can do to restore the ORDER of your family of origin and to free your own soul.

Resources
Love’s Hidden Symmetry by Bert Hellinger
It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn

Quotes
What is greatest in human beings is what makes them equal to everybody else. Everything else that deviates higher or lower from what is common to all human beings makes us less.
Bert Hellinger

When we look at our parents then we see that behind them are their parents, and behind their parents are other parents and so on through many generations. The same life flows through all of them until it reaches us.
Bert Hellinger

Don’t wait for the stars to align. Reach up and arrange them the way you want.
Pharrell Williams

Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. ‘Be still’, they say, ‘watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands’.
Linda Hogan

The greater soul moves in only one direction, and that is to bring into union that which has been made separate.
Bert Hellinger

What do you do when you do soul work? You touch the heart and that’s enough.
Bert Hellinger

The specific weight of the soul is equal to the sum of what has been dared.
Bert Hellinger

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Boundaries as a tool for internal balance

Boundaries as a tool for internal balance 
Firstly, I apologise if it seems I am constantly banging on about the issue of balancing the masculine and feminine within. While the concept of internal balance can seem quite cosmic in nature, when I think about this in a very practical way, what I am essentially talking about here is BOTH the healthy and loving BOUNDARIES WITHIN (the two opposing poles of our self) and, consequentially, how that shows up for us in our RELATIONSHIPS with OTHERS. We have strayed a long way off the path when it comes to human relating, and the return journey has now become a personal inner passion.

At the very worst, we have a society who only knows and experiences relationship in a co-dependent way where we unconsciously ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY for the other while giving away the self. At the very best, there are those of us who are seeking and sometimes experiencing relationships as a more conscious vehicle toward wholeness while assuming responsibility for the SELF. When two people align in that way we can now experience a cauldron for the practice of LOVE IN ACTION and the true embodiment of love on the planet. Most of us, however, are playing somewhere in between.

Let’s explore …

Unhealthy responsibility
For all the givers, empaths and servers in the world (and I am one of them), there exists among us a subtle DRIVE to CONTINUOUSLY CREATE balance. Most therapists and light workers will attest that their healing work and offerings to the world are born of SOUL desires, knowledge and understandings. I had such a massive soul opening when I started consciously practicing gratitude that I could not deny my enthusiasm in sharing these tools with others. The energy was simply available. To live “in service” is not usually an ego-driven decision. Nobody wakes up one day and decides to be a shaman! It’s more like a calling or mission offered down and we have graciously been receptive enough to hear the call.

But what happens when the drive to help in the world becomes CHRONIC and also CHIRONIC in nature? The concept of the ‘wounded healer’, developed by Carl Jung based on the ancient Greek myth of the centaur Chiron, speaks of those who are COMPELLED to treat patients because they as the analyst are also wounded. Research shows that about 74% of counsellors and psychotherapists have experienced one or more wounding experiences.

Our health systems are overflowing with practitioners who, if not very mindful of their internal boundaries, OVERCOMPENSATE on a daily basis in an effort to serve. The system is structured in a way that we have now become RESPONSIBLE for our clients’ wellbeing. We are now health workers who are energetically and emotionally overcompensating in relation to the other. Overcompensating, however, DEBILITATES those we serve and, more tragically, the SELF.

The same is true in intimate relationships. If we assume responsibility for the balance, wellbeing and happiness of our significant others by becoming OVERLY cooperative, we are now living with a DISTORTED sense of responsibility, otherwise known as co-dependence: co = two; depend = I need you; dence/dance = backwards and forwards.

In both cases, the pendulum of the psyche MUST swing back the other way. And what arises inside most co-dependent connections will be UNDER-COOPERATION, RESISTANCE and RESENTMENT. In the case of the health care system, the swing back can be seen with rising litigious/legal defence. Most health care providers now spend over 50% of caring hours in documentation to PROTECT to their own wellbeing. Unless we can consciously BALANCE the pattern of selfless giving, we will destroy the relationships that matter the most, burn out in the workforce or live in a polarised state of giving/resenting/giving/ resenting.

What is a boundary?
A boundary is the energetic communication of the soul. I’ll repeat that: a boundary is the ENERGETIC COMMUNICATION of the SOUL. In every moment, your soul is communicating ALWAYS. It is speaking BEYOND words. The drivers of SOUL communication are FEELINGS, FREQUENCIES, NEEDS and DESIRES.
A mother lion who has had enough of her playful cubs will not try to articulate that it is getting late and the sun is going down therefore they must start to wind down and stop climbing on her. Instead, she will FEEL the truth of what she is feeling (pissed off and tired) and resonate a lower frequency GROWL that communicates to her cubs, “THIS is MY boundary”. The cubs immediately FEEL this frequency and respond accordingly. There is NO confusion. Her communication is aligned, clear, loving and direct.

In contrast, a human mother can be nearing her exhaustion point at the witching hour and kindly ask her children to settle down. They do not hear her and keep up the excitement. She asks again in a more pleading tone, and then enters into a verbal intellectual discussion about how important it is for them to take responsibility at this time of day (projection) and pack up their toys. They STILL do not hear her. The conversation is had day after day after day. It’s groundhog day. What the children ARE hearing, however, are the undertones of her soul. And what her soul is communicating is, “I have no power here”, “my life is out of control” and “I don’t really matter”. Resentment and confusion set in. A child will either go into rescue mode at this juncture (co-dependence) or keep playing with their toys, for they are responding to the communication of the soul.

What’s needed here? Mum clearly has some work to do. She needs to access her own feelings of powerlessness and lack of self-value and feel them through to the bottom. She also needs to form a HEALTHY connection to her own ANGER otherwise it will seep into her kids in the form of projection, resentment and blame. She needs to BECOME THE LION and communicate her needs in a LOVING clear way while honouring the feelings she is feeling. For example, “KIDS, I’M ANGRY NOW! and this is what I need”.

By communicating your NEEDS from a FELT sense, you HONOUR those needs. As you honour your needs you honour your SOUL. You are also honouring the person you are in relation to. As you VALUE yourself, you AUTOMATICALLY value the other. As you hold EMPATHY for yourself, empathy for others comes naturally. In contrast, if you are unclear in your boundaries and giving mixed verbal and soul messages, it likely you are not honouring your OWN needs and therefore not taking RESPONSIBILITY for them. Confusion will reign.

Oh no, not you again!
So how do we get out of this loop? Usually, at play within the psyche of the wounded healer is the soul of the person who has created an IDENTITY out of taking responsibility for other people’s needs. The pattern usually begins in childhood, especially where one or more parent was less than nourishing or validating. We feel of VALUE to the world when we can help, rescue, and bring love and joy to another.

So, the quickest reboot will come when you take your attention AWAY from resentment, judgement, protection and resistance, and focus more on your relationship to your sense of SELF-WORTH. It’s by far the MOST IMPORTANT study you will ever do. And by study, I do not mean look at it and try to tap on or negotiate your way out of it. Neither am I suggesting affirmations of self-love or self-validation. What IS needed here is simply for this part of the psyche be FELT, ACKNOWLEDGED and OWNED. And here we have come full circle to the true blessing of RESPONSIBILITY which remains with the self and soul ALWAYS.

Once you have your internal drivers and motivations in check and at balance point, you can then successfully negotiate your own personal LIMITS and BOUNDARIES and move into your professional and personal relationships with FULL CAPACITY to love, help, support and be of service. The energies of resistance or resentment will no longer be niggling at your psyche. Personally, you will be validated by your OWN ALIGNMENT as you experience giving from a light-hearted perspective and a JOY in doing so.

The wounded healer is no longer running the show. Instead, there is a conscious soul making informed decisions while asserting healthy and loving boundaries for self and others. SOVEREIGNTY is maintained and self-love is governing. When we model SELF-LOVE, we cannot help but resonate this into our world every day, hour, minute and second. Our only responsibility now is to the self and to the frequency of LOVE experienced as a VIBRATION inside the body temple and expressed as joy, openness, creativity and freedom. Relationships will be harmonious. You are clear in your YES. You are clear in your NO. You do as you say and say as you do. Confusion and fear dissolve.

In a nutshell
RESPONSIBILITY: self first/others later.
SERVICE: from balance/or not at all.
IN RELATIONSHIP: love in action/alignment instead of rescue and overcompensation.
SELF WORTH: how healthy is it? Is my worth measured by how much I give?

Examples of healthy boundaries
NO, I can’t take responsibility for your feelings. I’m sorry you’re hurting, though.
NO, I can’t help you today, I have other priorities.
YES, I will take responsibility for my own feelings and not blame you.
YES, I can support you today and will happily do so.

Questions
Who do I need to create healthy boundaries with? (Tip: who are you resenting?)
Where did I give myself away? Why?

Resources
Matt Kahn: The end of sadness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olI5JvCuz44

 

 

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Avoidance

AVOIDANCE
As humans we are all heading for a more conscious and expanded experience of living – one way or another.
However, there is nothing more powerful that PROLONGS personal emotional healing than AVOIDANCE.
Avoidance is a common human behaviour, designed to manage stress and overwhelm. Ultimately, it’s a survival technique. However, it is also a method by which the growth of a soul can be COMPROMISED. Avoidance is also a powerful method of creating future “mess”. I’ll explain why later.
But first, let’s look at the neurobiology to understand what is actually happening when someone is in “avoidance”.

Phase 1
When a person experiences a threat, or even a perceived threat (that is, not actually happening in real time and space), the AMYGDYLA in the brain is activated and releases chemicals and hormones such as cortisol, dopamine, epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine (noradrenaline) into the bloodstream. These chemicals create physical symptoms such as a racing heart, quickening of breath and perspiration. In this state, we can easily become ungrounded and disconnected both from ourselves as well as from others.

Phase 2
The “activated” chemistry then signals the neocortex in the brain. The neocortex holds memory. All memory is PAST and not happening anymore. However, loose associations are made in this part of the brain to past events, situations or traumas. The neocortex is also responsible for the LOGIC/THINKING part of the brain. So it will become very pragmatic and try to “figure out” what is going on and how to deal with the stress.

Phase 3
The emotional response to an activated or triggered neocortex is FEAR and ANXIETY. The emotional behaviours that are associated with fear are FIGHT, FLIGHT or FREEZE, and in this phase, the primitive and survival part of our brain will do WHATEVER IT CAN TO MAKE IT STOP.

Phase 4
Without a conscious overview and a witness to what is occurring in the brain, at this juncture we can go into avoidant behaviours in order to control the uncomfortable feelings that are being activated. These include but are not limited to not answering telephone calls, becoming ill so as to not attend work, disappearing into a television series, drinking alcohol, getting high, having habitual coffee “fixes”, prematurely ending a relationship, or refusing to actually deal with the issue at hand. All these strategies are designed to alleviate the stress that is being triggered and to make it stop as quickly as possible.
THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
The problem now, however, is that avoidant behaviours can become an AUTOMATIC default setting in the brain which is designed to bypass the adrenaline response completely by side-stepping anything that can POTENTIALLY be a threat.
NO THREAT = NO FEAR = NO DISCOMFORT.
The issue of fear is a SOUL ISSUE. It cannot and never will be resolved and dealt with in the mind. LOGIC will not unravel fear, yet when the neocortex is activated, it becomes the dominant driver and decision maker. FEAR cannot and never will be “figured out”.
Instead, it must be:
1. CLAIMED and seen for what it is;
2. FELT as a physical and emotional FEELING in the body;
3. EARTHED/grounded/released.
At this juncture you may say, and rightly so, “It’s just not that easy to feel something that has been avoided for a lifetime” or “it was bad enough the first time, I’m not going to go through that again”.
And I agree. There is a real risk in OVERWHELMING the soul to a point of disassociation. And that is not a good place to be.
However, there is nothing more fearful than the FEAR OF FEAR itself. Until we can lean to be unafraid of fear, the avoidant personality will dominate relations and without a doubt, destroy relationships.
And so, we GENTLY move through the process of reconnection. We put our support systems in place and set the intent to heal without creating more harm.
Now we must become CURIOUS participants in the exploration of our emotional bodies and notice what it is that causes our souls to either contract or expand. We must ask the question: “I WONDER WHAT THIS IS REALLY ABOUT?”
We can do this ESPECIALLY when the nervous system is activated. Because this is the window we must use to ACCESS what is present and alive inside the body. Once we have anchored the reality that we are experiencing a traumatic response, the question can then be asked “What do I need?” in order to process and resolve this feeling. Often, the answer will be SPACE, just allowing some room to BE WITH whatever is emerging is a powerful tool. Prayer is also a powerful tool. “God, please show me what is that I am reacting to?” Getting horizontal in the Earth is also a magick remedy that is still somewhat underrated as a therapy. With a willing and curious personality, our thoughts and judgements can now be directed into the greater issues of the soul that are still needing attention.
Imagine driving across the city in an adrenalised and traumatised state in a new car full of electromagnetic frequencies, navigating traffic, road rage and poor time management, to sit in a therapist’s chair under a fluorescent light, paying $350 for 90 minutes, then driving home only to notice the underlying activation is still there. And, all the while there was a park outside your house, next to a beautiful tree which is just waiting for your company. She doesn’t charge you money, and you can stay for as long as you like. And when it’s time to walk home, you notice that you feel, well, just normal again. The neocortex has regulated, you are back in your body, Mother Earth has claimed the frequency of fear and absorbed it back into the ground, and you are restored back to your rightful state, which is love.
When the decision is made to replace your avoidance with creative thinking and curiosity, triggers will become exciting instead of overwhelming and your soul will move “towards” instead of “away”.

Resources
The Human Soul: Fear Processing P2 – YouTube
divinetruth.com
The Biology Of Fear and the Caudate Nucleus by JZ Knight from www.ramtha.com

Worksheets

 

Quotes
I’ve built a wall not to keep you out but to protect what is still left within.

Pain in this life is not avoidable but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.
RD Laing

Emotional pain cannot kill you but running from it can.
Vironika Tugaleva

The manic relief that comes from the fantasy that we can with one savage slash cut the chains of the past and rise like a phoenix, free of all history, is generally a tipping point into insanity.
Stefan Molyneux

Fight for change? Thirst for difference? Start talking what men avoid talking about.
Toba Beta

We use our minds, not to discover facts but to hide them.
Antonio Damasio

The choice to avoid risk is the choice to avoid living and to avoid living is one of the greatest risks of all.

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Healing

HEALING
HEALTH is a given, a gift, a natural state. Human cells were made, and continue to be replicated every day, every hour, every second, every millisecond. They are little mirrors that continue to REFLECT one another, encouraging and activating each other to BE in existence, in the IMAGE of each other. A divine design by God, this is a SYSTEM that works without error.

DISEASE is also a given, a common experience of the HUMAN condition. Diseased cells continue to REPLICATE one another, day after day, year after year, lifetime after lifetime through the generational line held in our DNA continually REPLICATING in the image of one another, a divine design by God, a SYSTEM that works without error.

I’ve just spoken two opposing versions of a “truth” and yet my statements directly contradict each other. Or do they?

GOD, divine intelligence, the big band, however you want to reference existence, IS a SYSTEM. Within that system, we have been granted the gift of FREE WILL. We are free to experience and express whatever condition we choose, be it health OR illness. The real issue on the table here is actually about ALIGNMENT.

Am I a soul who chooses to align with the DIVINITY of who I am in a BALANCED and WHOLE state?
OR
Do I feel MORE “myself” in my alignment with DISEASE and ILLNESS?

Where is my personality most comfortable in RELATION to who I believe and therefore know myself to be?

Conditioning
My mother is a good woman. I’m lucky to have her. She was also the family RUNT. Underweight at a featherlight 40kg as an adult wearing size 6 clothing and never participating in school sports, she also dodged household cleaning duties as a child by hiding in the outdoor dunny reading romance novels. She believed there was something wrong with her heart, and that she could never get enough oxygen. Exercise has never been on her agenda.

I am very different to my mother. Strong, solid, muscular, with a much taller and broader frame, I loved sports at school and was hugely competitive. I’d play to win so I usually organised the best athletes in the school together and placed myself around them. Then I’d allocate the captain. Yet on some subtle level, I was the captain because the teams were MY creation. I was not the best athlete, just the best organiser and producer of the event. And there were many winning trophies!

I’ve shared before about my journey with chronic fatigue which began at age 26. It found me right before my Saturn return. I became a shadow of my childhood years and carried the energy of victim well during these more difficult times. Every day felt like I had a rucksack of 40kg of bricks on my back. My sheer wilfulness to not give up on my life was equally met with the weight of the bricks. If I pushed harder, the load became heavier, kind of like a great racehorse with a predetermined handicap in her saddle.

While I shed most of the contents of that rucksack, the pattern of fatigue and exhaustion had not yet left me entirely. One day I walked past a shop window and spontaneously glanced at my reflection. My heart almost stopped. I saw a woman whose back was hunched over, head forward as if head-butting her way through life. I saw not me, but my mother. All of the preconscious beliefs, mindsets and attitudes of my mother were now being held and manifested in the physical form of MY BODY. I had taken on her physicality! In my stressed-out and victimised state I had also adopted the MINDSET of my mother which included statements like:

1. You just get fatter as you get older.
2. You can’t have as much energy as you had in your youth.
3. Everybody is unwell and you are no different.
4. You just need more rest.

Notice how depersonalised these statements are. I normally use “I” statements but this is how my mother speaks.

Choice
The fright was so great that it forced me into confronting this “thing” that was attempting to hijack my life. I recalibrated and reclaimed MY beliefs about health. And this is what I know for sure to be true:

1. I am an eternal being; my spirit cannot die.
2. My cells constantly respond to my environment and all I need is to be a catalyst to change them.
3. I am what I eat.
4. Most illness is emotionally related therefore healing is not only possible, but probable.

Then I went to three separate practitioners: a spiritual listener, a kinesiologist and a reiki practitioner. I asked them all the same question: What is driving my health issues?
Is it:
1. Physical? Do I Have some sort of diagnosable “condition” like a thyroid issue or cancer?
2. Mental? Are my beliefs about myself keeping me unwell?
3. Spiritual? Am I out of alignment with my soul?
4. Emotional? Do I still need to resolve something? Being an empath, I even wondered if I was carrying around some sort of collective pain in my emotional rucksack.

All three practitioners confirmed the same thing. My EMOTIONAL quadrant needed attention! And that is what I also believed at the outset.

Letting go
So what was this elusive emotional wound that only served to add weight to my rucksack? The answers came, but not from my knowing.

PRAYER was needed in order to penetrate my unconscious. I prayed for clarity, for understanding and for healing. And like magic, one day I could just FEEL the emotional entanglement that I had with my mother. At first I felt a bit smothered, and that feeling moved into anger after a month.

Practical things were needed to support our relationship such as boundaries. I had to ask her for time and space to process my feelings because they were just so INTENSE! At times, she struggled. At times, she believed I was abandoning her. At other times she became angry. But I could not undo what was happening on a soul level. We were untangling whether she liked it or not.

I asked her to trust the process and that all would be well in time.

Ironically, the moment she let go of control and resistance was the moment I no longer needed to maintain my boundary with her. The whole process took about eight months.

Essentially, the process was ME feeling my own feelings about the nature of my relationship with my mother. I learned that I felt RESPONSIBLE for her and because of this I took emotional care of her. I also felt guilty if I did not call her back and support her. And so, I sat with these feelings and resisted falling into my “pattern”. I felt ANGRY when I believed she was disrespecting my space and I felt SAD that this process was even happening at all because historically we have had a good relationship.

The journey of reclaiming my health and giving back what is not mine to carry has well and truly started. It has taken me through an amazing process of education, awareness and self-realisation.

I have found enough confidence to clearly state that I am “handling” this story and no longer feel like a victim to the elusive mysteries of health and physical illness. In fact, I move toward more and more physical alignment with each step I take as I CONSCIOUSLY walk. This is my mantra. It’s about presence and staying connected to my OWN body. Walking is my meditation. The slower the better.

The relief has also come from the UNDERSTANDING that I needed to let go and surrender at a time when I was faced with a LACK OF UNDERSTANDING.

In other words, I had to bow down to that which I did not know and pray for change. I had a vision of who I wanted to be which was healthy, aligned and fit. But that’s about all I had.

BE WELL if that is what you are choosing.
BE AWARE of what does not belong to you.
BE PREPARED to feel through some uncomfortable feelings as you witness them move out of your system.
BE ALIGNED to your own truth and choices of HOW you want to live and WHO you are choosing to be.
I CHOSE to be ME.
I’m good with that.

Resources
Even if it Costs Me My Life by Stephan Hausner

Quotes
The greater soul moves in only one direction, and that is to be into union that which has been made separate.
Bert Hellinger 

There are two forces playing on us all the time. One is the force of love, generativity, healing. The other is the force of regression, distortion and attachment through loyalty to the family system.
Stephan Hausner 

The criterion for what is good is based on whether it relieves someone, brings joy or soothes distress.
Bert Hellinger 

A shift in understanding allows love to flow easily and sometimes restoratively.

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Anger is Your Guide

ANGER IS YOUR GUIDE

We are usually in relationship with our anger in three different ways, generally speaking:
1.     SUPPRESSION
2.     LIVING in anger
3.     Experiencing the CAUSAL or CORE reason for anger.

Most of us have had a really great education in how to suppress our rage. Our society does not condone angry expression if it is fuelled with the power of rage and delivered unconsciously. Schools, workplaces, governments and community groups STILL do not know how to manage anger in a healthy and accepting way.

The TRUE wound of suppression came through our parents as children in their attempt to CONTROL in us the expression of the emotion that they could not bear to take ownership for in their own souls.

You see, the innocence and GIFT of a child is their NATURAL expression of what is unfelt in the parent. This expression is an act of love. So, how deeply confusing it is to have those emotions shut down, made wrong and shamed.

Then, there are those of us who have become very good at REACTING to anger. While it’s slightly less shadowy than suppression, having a powerful unconscious emotional trigger such as rage is still not where we want to be if we are wanting a deeper, more aligned union with others and, ultimately, ourselves. It’s a barking dog on a chain made to feel powerful by the strength of his bark but nevertheless he is still on the chain, still suppressed.

The third option, and a more healthy way to be in relationship with our anger, is to allow ourselves to experience our CAUSAL RAGE or the CORE EMOTION of rage in a conscious way. An expression that does not cause harm to other people and liberates the soul rather than tormenting it with groundhog day-like, sometimes uncontrollable, repetitive experiences. Looping rage is a very clear sign that we are still in the matrix of life, acting out systemic patterns inherited from our family line.

How can we develop a HEALTHY connection to anger? By using anger as a torch. Let anger GUIDE you to the deeper part of yourself that has not been felt. Identify where you are in the anger spectrum: avoidant, reactive or causal. Sometimes you can be all three at different times! And if you are not in the causal, pray and intend to be there as quickly as your soul will allow you travel.

A really cool clue about suppressed rage is the act of judgement. If you judge others, you are certainly judging yourself (but probably unconsciously). If you judge yourself, you will certainly be sensitive to the judgement coming FROM OTHERS. You will be unable to tolerate it. In fact, it will trigger your anger. Supressed anger and judgement are bed buddies, attracted to one another and both longing for liberation and joy. Alas, they bring out the worst in us.

A simple prayer: Dear God, please help me to generate the FEELING inside my soul of WHY I am fearful of judgement and WHY I judge others. Help me feel whatever it is that is driving these unloving actions. Help me to ALLOW these emotions to be felt completely. Let my defence mechanisms melt away. I’m ready for growth and change. Amen/thank you.

The unconscious act of suppression is normally connected to the emotion of REJECTION. And my feeling is that it relates to mother more strongly than father. What mother rejects in herself and refuses to feel travels to her baby through the majick cord. When the child tries to express, it activates that same trauma in the mother and she will unwittingly SHUT DOWN that part of the child’s soul in order to protect herself from HER OWN emotions. If we persist in our EXPRESSION of the anger, we risk further REJECTION of mother’s love. We learn to contain, avoid and manage this emotional trap, becoming very important adults with unconscious anger issues.

I use the term “gapped rage”. This rejection issue is often played out through intimate/romantic relationships over and over again. We will be drawn to people who have the same lack of tolerance for our needs as our mother did and enter into the relational struggle and drama of being validated and accepted (not rejected) by mother. This is a basic emotional transference of unmet childhood needs that occurs in both men and women.

Protection bands

Connecting with the causal wound, while simple in theory, can be one of the daunting roads less travelled in the soul’s journey home, simply because it has not been travelled before. The “element of the unknown” is confronting and frightening to the ego structures we are so familiar with.

As progression is made toward the inner truth of our pain body, we also meet with resistance in the form of “protection bands” that have been developed over a long time. In many ways, these emotional bands or armours have kept us safe and functional. However, they are also emotional walls that keep others OUT. Little do we realise that these structures also keep OURSELVES out.

There are many protection bands keeping us (apparently) safe including our egoic personality, denials and therefore addictions, depressions and fears. Suppressed and reactive anger are also other forms of protection bands. “Justifiable” anger is also a protection band. There is no anger that is justified if it is keeping you from feeling the causal emotion beneath. What lies beneath justification is usually GRIEF.

The law of attraction

In truth, it is only love that we need and want. Yet what screams the loudest in a crowded room are our protection bands. For example, if you are a man with a causal wound of being suppressed, rejected or judged by mother the causal wound will be “I’m not loveable”. This causal wound will draw to your field SO MANY women who do not have the capacity to love you, in truth. Yet, you will continually be attracted to these personality types. This is the chemistry that fuels the fire and therefore uncontrollable behaviour of men who can suddenly fall into the anger gap in relationship to a woman who has not yet cultivated her own self-loving boundary. Physical and verbal abuse is a dynamic vortex of two souls that pull too strongly on each other’s woundedness. These relationships should be exited immediately and more self-love cultivated.

How do I connect with my gapped anger?

It’s actually very simple:

1. Intention

2. Attention

3. Practice.

Set the intent to do your anger work. See a therapist. Talk to your friends about anger. Open it up and put it on the table, especially if you are suppressing. PRAYER is also very powerful but pray earnestly. Dear God, Please help me ACCESS that which I have been afraid to feel. Please help me feel the fear that is blocking me from my anger. Please help me release all that is suppressed. Amen/thank you.

I bought a punching bag and a pair of gloves. Every other day for six months, I’d have a physical conversation with it. Little things that annoyed me during the day went on a yellow sticky note and eventually to the bag. Over time, my empowerment grew and my relationship to my own anger became healthy for I was no longer afraid of it. It’s also really important to use your voice when you are consciously processing anger. SPEAK your frustrations, growl them, scream them, snarl them.

By giving consciousness to the energy, bridges are being made in your neural network. It may or may not be revealed what the original cause of your anger is about. However, once you are in a healthy relationship with your anger, the cage door will open, you will speak your truth and the intensity of your relationships will soften to a more manageable place for you will no longer feel disempowered.

Liberation is only a punching bag away! Please don’t hurt your body.

 

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