THE FAMILY STONE

The soul is always enlightened and complete. It is the human experience that has forgotten this and in this experience we are in the process of remembering the truth of who we are at a SOUL LEVEL.
All humans (unless enlightened to a pure soul reality) carry a separation trauma of some sort. It lives in the lineage of our parents and grandparents. Its roots are found in the untold stories that hold the secrets, betrayals, heartbreaks and abuse of those who have walked before us.
When an emotional issue has not been processed and released, the echoes of the trauma can carry through into subsequent generations through the soul’s law of attraction. It is believed that generational trauma is also held in our DNA threads that are passed through at a cellular level and through multiple generations. There IS science to support this theory and you will find a lot of reference to the term “epigenetics” in Mark Wolynn’s book It Didn’t Start With You. Generational and cultural patterns continue to emerge as the familial program repeats itself.
As children, we come into a family in order to assist in the healing and restoration of that lineage back to the frequency of love. However, in our innocence and loyalty to the family system rather than assist in the healing of the trauma, we can often assume RESPONSIBILITY for these wounds by placing ourselves in the parental position in the family structure. This is what natural love does.
This is what I had done.
When I was 16, I lost an innocent love in a sudden and violent car accident. Little did I know that when my mother was 16, she also lost a loved one (her beautiful brother) to a violent car accident but it was not until my trauma surfaced that my mother able to process her own. She had locked it down inside herself for almost 25 years. Somehow, my situation gave her permission to grieve for her own loss.
However, on the day of the accident, she was not available to me as a strong emotional support system because she had been triggered into her own shock. We were two 16-year-old girls together in effect. And in some weird karmic and cosmic agreement, I held the space for the both of us.
The devastating effects of the child’s unconscious decision to assume emotional responsibility for our parents is that the flow of love (whatever love there is) FROM the elders in the family is not received. It is not received because we are out of familial order. The entire lineage of grandparents, great-grandparents, great and wise ancestors, masculine and feminine, cannot reach us for we have taken ourselves, on a soul level, out of the family ORDER by assuming responsibility, out of loyalty, to the family structure and to assist with its survival.
If we remain out of “order” when the child becomes an adult, the possibility of having a loving partnership and continuing our genetic line in a FUNCTIONAL way is greatly compromised because the unconscious resentments, fears and annoyances we have with our parents is automatically and unconsciously played out into current time and space in the field of the new relationship. It happens quite beyond our control!
What also gets played out is our inability to receive love from another human being. Because we are SO accustomed to being in a caring role, giving comes easily. If our parents were neglectful in some way, if the frequency of love did not flow or was blocked, our receptivity antenna will NOT be tuned in.
We will be familiar with compromise, accustomed to caring and no stranger to struggle. The opposite is also true in that where our parents maintained their loving parental roles and gave love, guidance and care adequately without expectation – and where traumatic entanglements were not at play – we become accustomed to the flow of love and will attract that from our intimate relationships as adults.
There are NOW ways that we can move beyond time and space to RESTORE family systems back to correct family ORDER. Pioneered by Bert Hellinger, Family Constellations is a “phenomenological” process in which representatives of your family are chosen to stand in relation to one another, creating a “field of awareness” that seems to magically come alive when the family members are “placed” in position to one another. This is DEEP SOUL work that can heal the trauma of separation on a cellular level.
The process of giving back emotional burdens and responsibilities from childhood that have never TRULY belonged to us can dramatically change how we experience and receive love as adults. Handing back the family stones to where they belong is perhaps the most powerful thing you can do to restore the ORDER of your family of origin and to free your own soul.

Resources
Love’s Hidden Symmetry by Bert Hellinger
It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn

Quotes
What is greatest in human beings is what makes them equal to everybody else. Everything else that deviates higher or lower from what is common to all human beings makes us less.
Bert Hellinger

When we look at our parents then we see that behind them are their parents, and behind their parents are other parents and so on through many generations. The same life flows through all of them until it reaches us.
Bert Hellinger

Don’t wait for the stars to align. Reach up and arrange them the way you want.
Pharrell Williams

Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. ‘Be still’, they say, ‘watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands’.
Linda Hogan

The greater soul moves in only one direction, and that is to bring into union that which has been made separate.
Bert Hellinger

What do you do when you do soul work? You touch the heart and that’s enough.
Bert Hellinger

The specific weight of the soul is equal to the sum of what has been dared.
Bert Hellinger