Emotional attachment is perhaps one of the most mysterious and confusing phenomenon of the human experience. What is happening when we feel attached or connected to someone? Do we have control over the cords that bind? Let’s explore.
In 2019 I attracted a new friend into my life, a playmate of sorts. We spent a lot of time together as the energy between us seemed to have a divine and natural flow. One of the gifts I received from my friend was that his light and strongly developed sense of self-care and self-love reflected back to me the places where my own sense of self-love was still lacking. Through our relating he revealed to me that I was still carrying a lot of unnecessary judgements about myself, issues of shame and self-worth that were still not addressed.
I decided to meet these triggers and process them in a private and sacred way, while attempting to maintain the friendship at the same time.
Over the course of two to three months, I was able to personally navigate these limiting perceptions about myself. I used the work of Byron Katie to manage my thoughts, sat in front of mirrors for hours on end in acceptance of my being, just noticing the judgements that arose and gently letting them go. I danced and shook my body around. I went to Bali and deeply connected with the sensual realms of massage, high-vibration food, yoga and Balinese aromas. I found and reclaimed the self-confidence and strength I had been lacking and returned from Bali ready to begin a new life.
A really interesting thing happened. The connection and playful flow I had previously experienced with my friend was just not there. I could no longer feel the common ground between us. Our energies simply did not “mix” any longer.
The more I tried to re-establish our connection, the more pressure I put on the situation until, finally, he made the call to exit our relating completely. A few months went by and even though I had risen to a new level of self-love inside myself, I felt very sad and defeated about losing my friend. I had trouble getting the “story” out of my thoughts and desperately wanted to “figure it out”. Finally, I sought guidance.
Through various spiritual listeners and those who understand energetic attachments on a soul level, it was reflected back to me that there was an etheric black cord between my friend and I and the karmic theme that bound us was that of betrayal. It ran from my solar plexus to his. There were no real stories or events that happened between us personally. It was more my personal history with the soul of the wound of betrayal mirroring his own. We were reflecting this energy back to each other and reacting to the vibration. We were each other’s law of attraction, perhaps magnetised to each other for the soul purpose of exposing this long-standing wound, in order for it to heal. Black represents toxins and emotional trauma either from past lifetimes (if you believe in that) or trauma from this current life.
The “stories” are not necessary when understanding the themes of the attachment. My strategy, if you like, was to try and open it up, have a conversation, explore it and understand for the purposes of healing while his was to step away from it (me) and to re-establish connections and support elsewhere. And so, began the work.
How could I heal and clear a negative cordal attachment with a soul when we have opposing methods in dealing with the problem, thereby re-triggering the dynamic AND the wound? Aargh! I thought I’d never be free of this situation. However, as it turns out there was a solution. I was guided to fill up the cord not with stress and worry but with love.
Every day, for a month I would sit in meditation and pulse golden creative light into the cord. I would send my GRATITUDE down the cord and make a list of all the gifts I received from the connection. I drew the cord, proportional to the thickness and colour it was, and then re-drew it weeks later to notice it had shrunk and changed in colour. At some point in this process, as I became clearer, I asked my friend to do the same, to just send love and gratitude down the cord and give thanks for the blessings we brought to each other.
I learned a really valuable lesson here. How often do we have unfinished business with another soul that feels way too difficult and overwhelming to resolve? How much of our energy is lost to this toxic connection through worry, anxiety, avoidance or imaginary monkey-mind conversations? How much does that limit our expression and emotional availability to others in real time and space?
This need not be with an intimate partner. Negative and toxic bonding patterns can and do happen every day between friends, siblings and, often, our colleagues in the workplace. I knew that if I did not “finish this business” and clear this energetic cord from my system, I would never understand it for what it was and it would somehow limit me and my connection with others in the future.
My empowerment came from love and loving the person at the end of cord, even though the situation was causing me pain. If I recycled MY PAIN into the cord, the cord and therefore the soul attachment would thicken. If I sent GRATITUDE AND LOVE down the cord, the cord would become smaller and the emotional weight of it become lighter. As it did, I became lighter.
We both wanted freedom from the negative parts of our connection and even though our strategies were opposing (I move towards while others might move away) freedom was found and the attachment broken.
If we apply the understanding of SEPARATING WITH LOVE to all intimate relationships ALWAYS then energetic soul closure can take place and karma be finished.
Never get to attached to something that isn’t yours.
You can only lose what you cling to.
Anything you can’t control is teaching you to let go.
Love is the only freedom from attachment. When you love everything you are attached to nothing.
The problem in love is not betrayal, the real problem is too much attachment.